Wednesday, June 2, 2010

if i'm not first on your list, count me blue




Today has been cookin' day! Made a huge, fabulous dinner and took pictures of it. From top to bottom, it's an apple crisp over vanilla frozen yogurt, a detail shot of the Greek pizza I made, and then a bigger picture of the pizza. Both were absolutely amazing, and some of the best things I've ever cooked. In particular, the marinade for the chicken on the pizza was just ridiculous - I've never had any meat that tender or flavorful. Goddamnit I love food.

Also today, I had a long overdue visit with my shrink. The woman's a miracle worker. I doubt I'd be anywhere near as OK as I am now had I not seen her all last summer. Whatever's going on now can't even fathom being as bad as last year was, but it's always nice to have someone to talk me out of believing that how I feel is totally crackers.

Monday, May 31, 2010

can i watch you play roulette?

Today, not much again. I made a huge, ridiculously American dinner, topped off by what may be the most incredible thing I've ever baked - an coconut-pecan-apple cake. Just for funsies, I wore a gingham dress while doing it. I'm not sure whether I need to be spirited back to 1960 post haste, or if this is just another grain of sand on the beach of reasons why my perpetual singleness makes no goddamn sense whatsoever.

Sunday, May 30, 2010

secret agent super indifferent

Fine, I've been lazy. But, I mean, it's not like me laying in bed watching movies, then going to work at night, then coming back home and watching more movies warrants a post of some sort. Work's nice, I've only been there for a week and they're already trusting me with money. We get about 30 customers a day, so I've been getting a lot of reading done - at this rate, I'll finally finish A Confederacy of Dunces, and maybe even by the end of the week. I get visitors from time to time; mostly one, a cook-turned-retail slave who taught me how to effectively choke a person last night. (I didn't ask how he knows, because there really isn't a good answer to that question.) He fills my straight guy banter quota, which almost makes up for the fact that if I hear "Hey, Soul Sister" and "Eenie Meenie" one more freaking time, I swear to God I will flat iron my own face.
Today - more nothing. As such, I promise nothing. Cheers, little muffins!

Thursday, May 27, 2010

kiss every man while you still can

I’ve been using the same chapstick since I was 13. (One of the thousands of ways I never really grew up was in my fondness for lip whatever that tastes good.) God knows how many tubes I’ve bought over the last few years. I’ll blow four dollars on a pack, and invariably destroy all but one - they’d go through the laundry, get lost in one of my many messy bags, find their way into whatever time-continuum vortex that’s been eating my stuff since 1990. I was always left with the shitty orange kind, meaning I had to blow yet another four dollars and say goodbye to that Friday’s sub-health code Mexican food. As unhappy as angsty eighth grade Pay was about everything missing out on another death-defying Plaza Azteca night, my nineteen year old body thanks me now for keeping it from becoming an e. coli farm. But back to the chapstick. Blistex Fruit Smoothies saw me through a number of wild pubescent shitshows, and I’d like to tell you about a few of them.

Fabulous purple Berry Explosion
lined my lips the first time I ever made out with someone. I was a couple of weeks shy of my 14th birthday, and he was a newly graduated eighteen-year-old knife salesman who’d essentially made the rounds of all my new ~*high school*~ friends in the four years prior to my arrival. I’d met him the Christmas before, when he was dating one of the girls I was in a band with. He called me Blonde, and even though he had something of an aversion to personal grooming, he had these ridiculous blue eyes that stood out ten times brighter against his dyed black hair and white skin. Being a recovering chubster and, by extension, the Last American Make Out Virgin, I was dying to get it over with (a tendency of mine that would later come to haunt me in my wise old age of a couple months ago). Amazed as I was that this older guy who’d sparred with me about John Kerry and not thought I was a total nerd and holy shit those EYES seemed to be vaguely interested in me, I decided to throw hygiene to the wind. As I lay on that trampoline under him and his black trenchcoat, I smiled to myself when he pulled away and told me how awesome I tasted. Also that I probably shouldn’t use so much tongue, but as far as this particular yarn goes, that’s irrelevant.

Delightful green Melon Medley
is another ninth grade relic, though considerably less creepy than its weird, berry flavored half-brother. A little backstory before I get into this particular nostalgia trip: I always say that ninth grade was my favorite year of compulsory public education, and the reason is more than likely that it was the most John Hughes-y out of the lot. Huge group of friends that hung out on the wall outside school in the afternoons, eating Chinese and sleeping three girls to a bed on Friday nights, and him. You know who I’m talking about. That one gorgeous, just-barely-attainable-yet-totally-out-of-your-hands senior whose very existence is enough to wrench you out of bed on the bad mornings, because he might smile at you from under that shag of dark hair that covered his face, and you’d be lying to yourself if you didn’t admit that was just the bee’s fucking knees. I didn’t have a whole lot of typical high school things, but I sure did have him. A couple of Fridays after the bizarre Weekend of My Eighteen Year Old Lovah, the group of us that hung out in the afternoons were enjoying a delightful round of Dirty Dice, which someone had on their phone. (My life has always been a giant game of grab-ass; getting eaten alive by the theatre has only made it that much more shameless.) Dirty Dice being what it is, everyone ended up kissing everyone else, meaning that this time, I’d be kissing a boy I actually liked! Novel concept, that. After the first time he got me, he kept coming back - I liked to think it was because of me, but I know too well that, once again, it was because I tasted awesome. He even stole one before I left. My birthday had been three days before that, and as far as I was concerned, even the iPod I got that day couldn’t top whatever the hell that was.

There’s also offensive orange Triple Tropical, but it tastes like something dead that got covered in bubble gum, then left in a sack to rot. In the sun. In July. In humid-ass Virginia. Seriously, fuck Triple Tropical.

Limited edition Peaches and Cream
was the whole reason I started buying this chapstick. One day at band practice, my drummer let me borrow her chapstick before we headed out to something or another that could’ve run me into the kid I’d had a crush on for eight years, who’d left public school for the private school she went to for middle school. I’d steal it from her every chance I got. I was only able to choke down my first Corona because it rimmed the bottle, and I’d get that kick of sweet every time I forced myself to drink that bitter Mexican piss. When I begrudgingly went to cotillion to show off my new, forty pounds lighter HAWT BODY to said kid, then watched him awkwardly slow dance with a girl who wasn’t me, it was there. I basically pumiced the lipstick off of my face, not wanting to taste the same sweetness I’d hoped he would. Two weeks later, when I got kicked out of the band, the smell would make my stomach turn, and that was the end of that. By the time I could handle it again, it was gone, replaced by whatever sexy new flavor would bring ‘em in that week.
Six years later, when I was at Walgreens for batteries and an Arnold Palmer, I walked past the aisle where my old friend hid, and saw that for the first time in forever, Peaches and Cream was back. I bought it, and put it on my lips right when I got in the car. Such as my awful, intense nostalgia can be, I was right back in that violently green room with a bass that’s bigger than I am strapped across my body by a fuzzy piece of leopard printed fabric, muddling through another song I didn’t particularly like with girls I loved. A few hours after that, I started writing this.

Amazing what four dollar chapstick can do to a mind with too much damn time on its hands, huh?

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

feel so free like a pineapple in a tree

Today I worked. I'm not even going to bother making a list. Mine is not an interesting life, children, but I promise I'll try to do something fun (read: worth reading) before August. Tomorrow is My Day Off, which will invariably be filled with shit I forgot to do earlier this week because I work during pretty much everyone's normal business hours.
Maybe I'll rob a bank while I'm downtown.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

it's the devil i love, and it's as funny as real love

Todaylist, 05/25/10
-work, y'all.
-showed up my new red hair to the world! the world seems to like it as much as I do, and I am just tickled.
-laundry

So much fun!

Neat thing today: At work, the girls were asking me about stuff...what I do, where I go, what I'm studying. When I told them I want to write TV shows, they looked me up and down, smiled, and said something to the effect of, "yeah, that's what you look like you'd do." That made me stupid happy.

Monday, May 24, 2010

i'd do it again if i could

Todaylist, 05/24/10
-well, since technically 12am was today: went with Blondie to the hookah bar on Colley. smoked something they called "sex", double entendres ensued. flirted with a Navy IT guy even after I found out he was Navy, and the Norfolk girl in me died a little. going back this weekend to see Mister Theo for the first time in about a year, which is exciting as hell.
-product knowledge class at Lynnhaven. positively riveting. however, I will say that learning about color-safe hair products kind of lit a fire under my ass to...
-...finally get around to dying my hair red! it looks every bit as amazing as I'd hoped. I've been meaning to do it for years, and I figure that now, when I'm buying myself a whole new life, is as good a time as any. I'm gonna go one shade lighter to see how it looks, and then I'm making it permanent. hoo. tee. hoo.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

heaven help, if there is one

Todaylist 05/23/10:
-first day of work! super fun. seven hours. sixteen customers. that constitutes a busy day. but at least I get paid $7.25 an hour! times sure have changed since six bucks at Vans, y'all. now we might really be able to go to New York in July.
-sitting around drinking Arnold Palmers

As for yesterday, I did in fact move out of my RVA apartment. It was every bit as bittersweet as I thought it'd be - couldn't really sleep and got about five hours before I had to get back up and start cleaning again. The fact that I'm really done with Richmond still hasn't quite hit me yet, possibly because I'm still not 100% that UVA won't see this semester's grades and say they'd really rather not. Like I've said before, I'm not sure that it will until I'm looking at the Lawn rather than Monroe Park. I don't want to get too sentimental too soon, but I would definitely say that this has easily been the most beautiful, surreal, infuriating, incredible year of my life, and I'm heartbroken to see it go. I've said a lot about it not ending quite like I'd have liked it to, but that's not entirely true. The problem, I suppose, is that how I've been seeing this has been warped by how fuck-all badly something in particular went; I've finally gotten to the point where I'm not sad or bitter, not really even angry, I just really miss my friend. It's like when someone dies, and you see something or hear something that reminds you of them, a joke you had, or something that would make them laugh, and when you go to tell them, you realize that they're gone. Also the grades thing, but considerably less so. Either way, it's all my fault. I don't know how to segue out of this, so....

Here, children, is why I've been craving waffles. Tomorrow morning, it's fuckin' happening.


Side note: re-falling in love with this show has reminded me why I'm going into television.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

bitch, please. she gave me her keys.

"does your diet consist solely of coke zero and gum?"

Today, I moved out of my apartment in Richmond. That means that unless the five-percent-possible Really Bad Thing happens, I'm finally done with the river city. I'll write more about it when it doesn't come out so sappy.

Friday, May 21, 2010

and my legs aren't structurally sound!

I'll be doing paperwork, getting ready to go to Richmond, and then actually going to Richmond for the rest of the day, so I probably won't remember to do anything with this tonight. That said, in order to be able to say that I didn't fuck up the project until at least the second week, and since I haven't yet done anything of import today, here's something fun! Please to enjoy.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

which other rubes are ridin' hot shot, sugar?

"all we need to figure out is who looks better in a jumpsuit."

Todaylist, 05/20/10
-got a job! I'll be selling high-end shampoo and other such salon products all summer. I'll also be wearing black all summer, though considerably more attractive blacks than TheatreVCU wanted, which means SEXY NEW WAAAAAAARDROOOOOOOBE!
-more laundry, and trying to figure out how to split my clothes (and other fun things) between two houses. that's something I sure didn't miss.
-dance concert with Ian. hungry, punchy, and confused as I was, I pretty much Statler-and-Waldorfed the whole goddamn thing. so much for trying to appreciate dance.

Now I'm trying to psych myself out for a full night of HOT CLEANING ACTION tomorrow in the River City, while Fancy's out doing God knows what with I know who. Something about it's not OK, but where the blame lies boggles the mind. I suppose it's more important that he's got a nice friend that'll make his first year a whole lot less difficult than it should be, you know? Still, I guess I'm...I don't know...a little hurt by the whole thing. I guess it's always gonna be messy now.
I just really hope they still let me come to Charlottesville in August. After all I've done, it would ten times harder to come back than it ever was to leave.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

steady as she goes

"a bed to be made...and a maid to be bedded!"

Todaylist, 05/19/10:
-laundry
-college related ass savin'. if nothing else, they know I mean fucking business.

-job interview part deux: went well! the manager wants me to come in tomorrow in their dress code, which is black clothes and full makeup, before she commits to me. I don't wear makeup, y'all. this could get interesting.
-Fancy came by and we went on a lovely jaunt through lovely Ghent. discussed the Hatfield-McCoy standoff, which just got a new, triflin' level added to it. as per usual, Hatfield is the only active participant.
-MST3K on YouTube. haaaaaay! I'm basically on the kick from hell right now, and luckily, MSTies are computer proficient.

Thoughts I had and probably shouldn't tell anyone about but I thought were funny so I'm gonna do it anyway:
-funny enough, the thing I regret most about shagging a conservative is not that I did it (I'm actually really pleased with that decision), but rather that I forgot to ask him mid-coitus to "drill, baby, drill".
-my physical appearance and social skills totally betray what an unbelievable nerd I really am. Jesus, can someone just ship me back to 1989 already?

we got ideas. to us, that's dear.

'Sup bitches?
I know, I know, I've got a Tumblr, and yes, it too is happy and fun. But I thought it might be nice to have a blog, too - if you've so much as been in a confined space with me, you're all too aware of my tendency to run off at the mouth, and Tumblr is really more for blurbs and pictures. That aside, I do have a legit reason for this tomfoolery. Since I really don't foresee a whole lot of productivity happening this summer, I thought I'd embark on a little project! I'm going to try, come hook, crook, hell, and high water, to write a little something every day this summer. Whether it's a little write-up of all the hideous, sexy debauchery I got myself into that day (read: hot reading action!), actual fictional writing, my manifesto, whatever, I'm going to write. After all, that's kind of the line of work I'm angling at. If I'm good at this, and I haven't moved on to my newest shiny thing once school starts up again, I might actually continue. I know - me, STICKING with something? Shock and awe! But seriously. This could be fun. Tedious, tooth-pulling fun.

A side note: I sense your worry, so yes, I will be maintaining the Tumblr while I'm doing whatever the hell it is I've got planned for this New Fun Thing. No need for all two of you that pay attention to things I do on the internet to be bereft of the song posts, screencaps, and YouTube madness that have all become my bread and butter. God knows we all need more bizarre, dry songs and bizarre, dry comedy in our lives.